Thanks to the Final Girl and her Monday Film Club for this 1986 high school revenge horror film.

“Slaughter High” was a journey of discovery for me.   I learned a lot, most notably that April Fool’s Day ends at noon.  Who knew?

But, at the end of the day, the one thing I’ll take away from this film is Marc Smith‘s remarkable turn as Coach.

He enters our heart with this gem.  Which one of you heroes thought that this was going to be fun? (A strong, assertive question, and one I found myself wanting to ask of the filmmakers. )

But then, he seals it with the following monologue.  Allow me to set the scene.  He’s in the gym.  He’s rounded up the culprits behind the April Fool’s gag.  They are all in a line, at attention.  Prepared for his wrath.  And he uncorks this magnum:

So this is the gang, huh?  How long has this motley crew been in existence, huh? Can anybody tell me?  Come on, come on.  What do you have to do to become a member of this elite hit squad?  Be tough?  Are you tough, Frank?! No coach? Am I tough? Yes?  Yes Coach, good! Aw, the Joker!  Make me laugh.  Make me laugh, Skip, come on, make us all laugh.  Huh?

(laughs)

Or maybe you just have to be pretty?  Or stupid?

(long dramatic pause)

Now where the hell are Harrison and Putney?!

Wow.   Shivers.  Goosebumps.  Wow.

You think maybe Stanley Kubrick caught this film?  You think maybe R. Lee Ermey based his portrayal of Gunnery Sgt. Hartman in “Full Metal Jacket” on Smith’s character?

And then, there’s this interpretation.

Can you hear me?!!

Loud-a and-a clear-a!

There he is.  Name emblazoned over a Bruegel detail, accompanied by the sounds of the eternally damned screaming “let me out of here” — it’s Keenan Wynn, the Beverly Hills brat turned beach bum turned speed boat freak turned durable character actor.  The guy whose wife left him for his best friend, Van Johnson, who was, in fact, gay.

And he gets fourth billing, even though he’s in the film for an entire 90 seconds by my count.

His son tells a heartbreaking story in his autobiography We Will Always Live In Beverly Hills of standing outside a liquor store at 6 in the morning, shaking with alcoholic longings, waiting for it to open.  A car pulls up and an older man joins him.  It’s his father, Keenan Wynn.

Picking up a bottle on the way to the set of The Devil’s Rain, no doubt.

A participating blog entry for Final Girl’s Film Club.